Working on me…

Every morning, after I drop off my girls at school, I analyze the previous day and set a daily goal for myself.   I'm tired by ten o’clock in the morning partially because mentally I am drained.  In thought, I’ve lost the 100 pounds, cleaned the house, remodeled the bedroom and finished my doctorate. Well, this year, has been full of extensions, pauses and it’s basically just like any other year.  I start off every year frustrated with my weight.

I have battled with my weight during my life but never this much.  The difference is that I am a very emotional eater. I am a Latina, so for me, my comfort foods are great at the moment but everything in moderation right.  I have to gain and maintain control.  I do not hide when I eat, I do not overeat.  I choose to eat empty calories.   My weakness is Mexican pan dulce, arroz con leche, enchiladas, and of course hot chocolate made with chocolate abuelita.  I have been down this path for a several years now. Every time, I renew my weight loss journey I start off right.  I eat and workout the way my training plan says to.  My willpower is strong and I stick to it.  My reason for self-sabotage, is that I eat my stress. Money issues, family problems, or my little girls’ chronic asthma are my triggers.  I know others may have it worse than me.  I know that in theory I should have that control but obviously I don’t.  You see I lose the weight and then I’m off track again. I was never this big; I started college and of course didn’t have the structure to avoid the freshman fifteen.   My parents had just separated one month before I started college. That started a short lived carbs only diet. Once I turned twenty I started my gym rat stage.  I enjoyed going to the gym, getting fit and all that came with that.  For the most part Latino families do not normally exercise to stay fit.  Since I also grew up with Asthma, my mother made me stay indoors to avoid running around outside and getting sick.  Once I learned how to exercise it was so much fun! I stayed pretty fit for the next several years because of working out from time to time and dancing every weekend.  My eating habits however didn’t affect me yet, so I ate what I wanted.  That would soon change!

 In my mid twenties, On Sept. 11^th, 2001 I went through a very traumatic experience.  I sheltered all my feelings because so many of my friends and family would tell me to just move on.  I was engaged to be married that following April and had a bad case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since many around me didn’t want to hear it, I never talked about it to anyone! I did however begin to eat, and eat and eat.  I slept during the day and stayed up all night because I was afraid.  Afraid of being asleep and something would happen again that I again had no control over. In less than six months I gained more than sixty pounds!

 In September 2002 I got pregnant. I was ecstatic! I couldn’t believe that this new life was going to be a part of mine.  I thought this will help me.  I think I just put all those feelings on the back burner.  I gained 40 pounds with that pregnancy and was able to lose most of it.  The other weight however loved me so much, it stuck around! Being a first time mom, work, dealing with PTSD and tending to my husband, the last thing on my mind was getting fit.  I’ve tried to lose weight and I’m successful as I’ve said before but only to a certain point.  I lose thirty then gain it back and so on. I am 120 pounds overweight and I’m very aware of that!

This year is different.  I will make a difference in my health, weight, and most of all feel great! I have signed up for my first ever half-marathon! I will be doing this with all my might.  I plan on eating clean and training as of now. I have incorporated new recipes in a way that I can also add the spicy flavors into our meals.  I have learned how to make enchiladas using an egg white crepe instead on the tortilla.  Maybe I will post a recipe or tutorial if you would like to see that. I have already been training in a gym and now have to work up my stamina to a 5k.  Then at the end of July I will begin my training for the 13.1 mile trek to meet up with my Tiffany & Co. necklace! This is the medal we will receive at the finish line and I am so thrilled to document and vlog about this journey.  My weight loss goal will not end on the day of the half – marathon.  It will end in 100 lbs! Are you ready? On your mark, get set, GO!!